You don't know what you don't know

Deep in the fog you can tell that things are foggy, but that is about all you know.  You can't see what is around you but you know there is something there, maybe you have walked into it at some point and stubbed your toe.  You can't feel what it is unless you're close enough to bump into it.  To borrow a line from Taylor Swift, you don't know what you don't  know.

Some of us go through and never bump into our own fog.  I feel like I have been always chipping away, trying to look for common themes and hoping feed back from other people would direct me.  What is it that is hiding in the fog that other people have or know and I don't seem to.   Some people  seem like they do not see it at all (whatever it is hidden in the fog) or just don't care, but other people are either very angry or just generally upset about my deficit.

I don't have an agenda to use my life to hurt other people, but inevitably I do sometimes hurt other people.  I feel very disappointed in myself when I have caused someone pain both because I caused someone pain and because I  should be more aware of myself so I can avoid whatever it is in the fog that I don't seem to know enough about.  Its annoying to stub your toe in the dark, but its very frustrating for me when I know I took someone along with me and now they are hurt also.  It makes me feel like I'm a bad person.

Not knowing what is out there just complicates things, makes things worse. Not knowing where or what to avoid to stop this from happening , I cut back more than necessary.  Then somewhere down the road it happens again anyhow.  It feels like I would be better off by myself, away from people so I can't hurt them or let them down.  It feels like that is what some people want.